You know those days when you’re all fired up? You get to the office or school a little earlier than necessary, hit the deck running and, when you next look up, it’s 3:30 in the afternoon and you haven’t even had lunch? It’s recently occurred to me that I have lived my life like that. The problem is what do you do with the last hour and ½ of your day or, figuratively speaking, your life? There isn’t enough time to start and finish something new; yet it’s too long a period to just sit there like a mushroom, waiting for someone turn off the lights.
Things seemed less complicated when I was young and stupid. As I matured, I eventually realized why the words “young” and “stupid” are so often linked. We make selections from the seemingly unlimited array of choices before us, but we are often (a) unaware of the act of choosing; and, (b) if we are aware of making a choice, we almost never contemplate or understand the consequences.
On a personal level, you could think of it as “bad boyfriend” syndrome. You choose a guy for his looks and sex appeal, and after you break up a month later, you look back with new, clearer eyes and realize your mistake – until the next demi-god on wheels rolls into view. What you’re really choosing is not a boyfriend, but an image of yourself you hope you see in the eyes of someone you admire. You’re not seeing “him” at all. Truthfully, he probably doesn’t see you either, and for the same reason. Too bad we have to live through the side effects so often.
The choices seem to keep on coming, and we doggedly keep slogging away at it until the image matches our expectations; or we just give up. Somewhere along the line, I just gave up. You leave the field. The roar of the crowd dims with distance and you don’t look back for fear of turning into that pillar of salt. It’s a choice.
If you’ve been raised to believe you can, you will. If your upbringing was more ambiguous, you still can – but it’s a hell of lot harder. I just didn’t see it coming; the afternoon of my life. But, when I think about it, looking back, I had a pretty good day already – just not the one I was expecting.
